Mistakes
by the drowsy poet
Summary: Lily Evans never hated James Potter, no. This is an entirely different feeling, and she's not sure if she likes it. Not-entirely-fluffy-Jily.


**Mistakes:**

The thing with people, both Muggles and the magical alike, is that they go through their lives making mistake after mistake. They get things wrong; misjudge situations. Only seeing what they want to see.

Lily Evans never hated James Potter.

She hates the way his head is far too big for its own good and she hates the way he is constantly mussing up his hair, thinking it looks 'cool.' She hates how he carries that godforsaken Snitch with him wherever he goes; '_oh look at me, I'm James Potter- the great Gryffindor Seeker.' _She hates how the vast population of females at the school seem to worship the ground beneath his feet, fawning over every word and turning into flushed, giggling versions of their former selves.

But most of all, Lily hates the way that she doesn't hate James Potter; not one bit, not in the slightest, not at all.

On the contrary, in fact.

Sometimes it's hard to admit to yourself how you really feel.

If anyone asks, she would say that Potter is an arrogant toe rag. She hopes the response hasn't gotten too old by now.

If Potter asks, she wouldn't say anything. She knows women are supposed to be multi-taskers, but even the best woman would find it hard to hex_ and _speak at the same time.

If Mary McDonald asks, she might reluctantly admit that '_actually, he's not _as_ bad as he used to be...' _But seeing the look of excited horror on the girl's face she would immediately burst into fake giggles, exclaiming at how gullible her friend is. Mary's doubt would later be quashed when Lily hexes James in the common room.

If Lily her_self_ asks, though, she'd probably spout some crap about not being able to help who you love. Love is a powerful deity with a force so strong and unhindered that it unknowingly controls the universe; deceitful, intelligent, naïve in some ways yet experienced in others. Love makes the world go round, after all.

Then she'd sigh and breathe heavily into her pillow, picturing James Potter's face close to hers. She'd imagine them so close that his glasses would bump against her nose and they'd both laugh a little shyly. He'd draw closer now, looking her in the eyes as though for permission. She'd nod, smiling. Their teeth would clash and it would be awkward to start, the way all first kisses are meant to be.

She wants to be able to imagine the fireworks in her head, but that's a thing individual to kissing and it's quite impossible to pre-empt.

She's wrong, though. In a way. There are some ways in which she's so painfully correct it's laughable, but mostly, she's got it wrong.

Lily Evans certainly doesn't hate James Potter, but this feeling, so scary and new; this isn't _love._

It's fear.

I'm not saying that fear and love are mutually exclusive, not by a long shot. I think what she really fears is how her tummy fills with violent butterflies whenever he walks past. How she's sure that one day she'll be reduced to a sticky puddle on the floor when he smiles.

So maybe she does love him, if this is what love is. She had thought it was supposed to be a nice thing.

Fear and love aren't mutually exclusive, no. In fact they're so dangerously close it hurts inside. _To love, or not to love? That is the question. _Love comes holding hands with fear and you can't choose one without the other tagging along.

In the end, I guess, if you love them enough then love will win. It's too great a force to be consumed by fear.

Which means, essentially, that Lily Evans _did_ love James Potter.

Irrevocably and eternally, for the rest of her days.

* * *

_A.N/ Just a slightly fluffy little one-shot about James and Lily. Hope you enjoyed it, and if you did I would love it if you could drop me a review. Virtual cookies for anyone that does. There's an incentive for you. _

_Oh, and to anyone who's reading my Sherlock teen!fic...I haven't given up, no way. Just a mild case of writer's block and this was an attempt to clear it. No fear, John and Sherlock will be reunited. _

_over n out_


End file.
